It is 366 days since I moved to Germany. Today I finally performed my first concert – the finals of the John Cage Interpretation Award at the Nordharzer Staedtebundtheater in Halberstadt.
This isn’t really where I expected to be after 366 days. In fact, if you’d told me about the first 363 days I probably would never have moved. It has been nigh on impossible to find auditions – let alone work; or even to meet people and build a new community. I count my lucky stars every day that I have a few friends here from the UK, and also for the friends and family who live at the end of the telephone.
Covid or no Covid, life doesn’t go to plan. I knew that before I moved, and the message has been reinforced in new and different ways in the last 12 months. But life is full of surprises, and some beautiful things have happened in the first episode of this adventure:
I have grown stronger – as a person, in my beliefs, in my identity. I have a much clearer idea of what I want from life and of why I am here than I did 366 days ago sitting in Heathrow airport.
Despite the distance, relationships with the people I am close to have – in many cases – deepened. Our time together in the flesh is precious, and for me, our time together on the phone is even more so.
There are quite a lot of days when I still feel like a British outsider, but there are also days when I feel like I am part of Europe. That is ultimately why I came here, and the time I have spent in Luzern, Royaumont, Aix-en-Provence, and – of course – all over Germany, has made me feel part of the European community I was so sad to be leaving.
I have met some kindred spirits along the way. Yes, they live all over Europe (but isn’t that the beauty of being European?) so I can’t just pop over for a cup of tea whenever I want, but it is reassuring to know there are beautiful people waiting for me in Paris, Berlin, and many other places…
I’ve stuck it out. I wouldn’t say I’ve made a massive success of it, but I haven’t given up.
Here’s to not giving up.
And on the subject of not giving up? I came second in the John Cage Interpretation Award with my pianist Pierre Delignies. I took all of those positives above and created a programme that represents who I am and what I want to sing. And I guess people liked it.
